A dream I didn’t want to write about

I had a dream last night that made me sad when I woke up. I didn’t really want to write it up, but I made a commitment to myself when I started documenting my dreams that I would include them all, be they happy, sad, sexual, personal or otherwise. So, here it is.

In the dream, I woke up and went downstairs to get ready to go to work. When I got downstairs, mother and Lee (my brother) were both there, also getting ready. Lee was in the bathroom cleaning his teeth, but I needed to get in there to wash and clean my teeth. I think he knew this, but he stayed in there. So I pushed my way in and started doing my hair. Lee kept staring at my chin with a ‘patronising disapproval’ look – he has this look he does where he looks like he’s disappointed in you and shakes his head, but he used to do it even when I’d done nothing wrong just to annoy me. He pointed out that I had spots on my chin and this made me mad.

In real life, I struggle with spots/acne and my family know I’m quite self conscious about it, but they still point it out.

So in the dream I got angry at him and shouted, “Yes, I know I’ve got spots and you know that I’m self conscious about them! So why not pick on something else instead, like my big nose or crooked teeth!”

Again, in real life I’ve recently become a bit self conscious about the size of my nose and the imperfections in my teeth, but I don’t like that it’s being highlighted in my dreams.

So, back to the dream, I then stormed out of the bathroom and went into the kitchen to make some breakfast. My mother could clearly see I was in a bad mood. Then she said, “Are you not going to ask about Sam and Max?”

Some more context needed here: Sam is my brother’s girlfriend who is currently pregnant in real life and Max is my nephew who currently has an ear infection in real life.

I then felt really bad about not asking. I asked Lee how they were and he just said “They’re fine” and then left. I then felt really bad for having a go at him about petty things when he was clearly worrying about more important things.

The reason I don’t like this dream is that I’m currently feeling quite down in real life and feeling sad about certain things, but this dream feels like a little dig at myself for worrying about these things rather than what is happening with other people. Obviously I do care about others and in real life I have been asking how Sam and Max are, but I now feel like my issues are trivial and I’m being selfish for worrying about relatively unimportant things. And because my dreams feel so real and I’m quite an empathetic person, I feel really bad for having a go at my brother, even if it was just a dream. Anyway, this is just a phase I’m going through. I don’t know why I’m pouring all my woes out on here, it just helps a little. Happen I’ll have a nicer dream tonight.