STORIES

I love writing short stories before bed, so here is a collection of my stories.

The Missing L

16/05/2016

It was a cold and wet afternoon and the howling winds echoed through the corridors of Ne’ermore Castle. Meanwhile, in Lichfield (where this story takes place) the sun was shining bright and there was not a single cloud in the sky. In one particular garden, a frog was standing, admiring a snow-frog he had just…

Peter File’s Peter File

01/12/2015

Contrary to popular belief, the phrase ‘contrary to popular belief’ is believed to be popular among those who believe the contrary to popular beliefs. One of those uneducated free spirits is Peter File. Contrary to popular belief, he actually quite liked his name. Yes, whenever an American introduced him it sounded like they were calling…

The Poshmen

17/11/2015

“Would you like that boiled or fried sir?” she asked in her pretty Irish accent. “Both.” he said, in his dull Birmingham tone. “I’m sorry,” she apologised, “Do you mean one boiled and one fried?” “No. I mean one egg boiled and fried at the same time.” he replied. Sir Ian Poshman of Sutton Coldfield…

The Worm Wrangler

17/11/2015

In the distance, he heard a woman scream. That was his cue. He finished his cup of tea and, leaving the biscuits uneaten, donned his horse and mounted his stetson (may have been the other way round). He rode across to where the cry had come from, and heroically smashed through a glass window to…

Twilly’s Glasses

17/11/2015

It was a warm August morning. The sun was singing and the birds were shining, when inside a little house in Sunshine Village, a girl called Twilly was just waking up. “Yawn,” she yawned as she rose from her slumber. As she opened her eyes, she saw a blurry room with a fuzzy wardrobe and…

Unwin’s Orange

17/11/2015

On the shelf it sat for days, just being an orange. Not a care in the world and no feelings of sorrow or joy. So there it sat, in between the apple and the melon. Until one day, a man called Unwin entered the shop with a clear craving for a particular citrus fruit. As…

Who are you?

17/11/2015

“What do you mean, who am I?” Helen said in a ferocious tone. “You know full well who I am. I’m your mother. The woman who gave birth to you. The woman who carried you in her stomach like an ulcer for 9 months. I even slept with your father to do it, and god…

The Went Remote

09/11/2015

Eddie Went lived alone. He preferred it that way. People just get in the way, he thought, and try to take control of the television remote. He was very precious with his remote control, believing it to be a source of great power in that it could simultaneously show him Star Trek and get rid…

The Actress

09/11/2015

​She was just an actress. He knew that, but his brain thought differently. From the first time he’d seen her character on the popular television soap opera – which he believed was a reality television programme – he was smitten. Her nasal tones and screechy laugh made him feel all giddy inside. Her lines, though…

Miranda Pint

03/08/2015

The beer was cold and so was she. Jeremy Bo sat at the bar, gazing lustfully at the barmaid who was cleaning a glass and waiting for her next customer. She wasn’t a pretty girl, not by any stretch of the imagination, but for reasons unknown to him, he could not take his eyes off…

The Party Poopers

26/07/2015

The party was almost over, but the guests didn’t know this at the time. One did. One particular guest had decided that now would be a good time for the party to end. He was not alone in his thoughts, but he knew that only he would take any kind of action. Marty Binge sat, by himself,…

The Fish Dish

12/07/2015

The water was too cold. Everybody thought so, but nobody dared mention it. So the chef continued to wait for the lobster to boil in lukewarm water. It was his first day in the kitchens of The Fish Dish, a small restaurant with no Michelin stars located in a busy part of London. Although it…

The Problem

22/04/2015

Part of the problem was that there was no problem at all, she just liked to think there was. Every day she would rant on about nothing in particular, knowing full well that he was not listening. It was not his job to listen. If it was, he wasn’t being paid enough. She didn’t know…

Rupert Finn

22/04/2015

The river was deep, but so was he. Rupert Finn sat on the banks of the Mersey river and thought about all the fish that had done him wrong over the years. His pet goldfish, who had so selfishly died after being over fed; the dolphin at the aquarium that didn’t wave back; his ex-wife,…

The Surname Collector

02/03/2015

It was no great surprise to the people of Glasgow that Penelope Smith-Jones-Walker-Parks-Singh-Watts-Atkinson-Day-Fletcher loved surnames. This woman from Birmingham had a fascination with her name and a great desire to make it as long and varied as she could. To do this, she had to marry several times. This was not a difficulty for her,…

Maxwell’s Fingerprint

29/11/2014

Maxwell Parmaham was a short Scottish man with a very bad temper. He loathed people and often found himself hitting them repeatedly. When he was not flying off the handle, he was flying on an aeroplane. Although he wasn’t a people person, he was a damn fine pilot. He knew it and so did everybody…

Ernie the Bus Driver

21/11/2014

It was Ernie’s first time driving a bus. He’d wanted to be a bus driver for as long as he could remember, and now here he was in the driving seat behind the wheel of a bus. And what a bus it was. He had been pleased that his first journey was on a double…

Kevin’s Condition

09/11/2014

Kevin was a man of simple pleasures. He liked his ovens hot and his fridges cold. If the television and toilet were both working, he could happily spend his day at home alone. Kevin was also not afraid to show his sentimental side, which often led to overbearing urges to cry at small dogs. One…