I enjoy writing stories that are often quite silly and don't always make a lot of sense



I enjoy writing stories that are often quite silly and don't always make a lot of sense

four eyes

Four Eyes

My first work of fiction.

Fred Chuff was born with four eyes. He's spent most of his life as a subject of ridicule, but when he decides to join the circus, he finds his true calling, makes some new friends and discovers a terrible secret about the circus.

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Yellow Matter Custard


Jenny Merchant wasn’t her real name, but she preferred it to Wanda Buttslap. So on the day she was asked for ID when ordering a glass of water at a pub in West Burmore, she reluctantly admitted her true existence. As she handed a little piece of plastic with a photo and some details over…

The Firemen of Widdon


Every day at precisely 3pm, something unusual happens in the village of Widdon. I’m not sure what it is exactly, as the people of Widdon very secretive – especially when it comes to this daily strange activity – but I am told it has something to do with fire. Nevertheless, there is a story about…

Aubergine Doyle


Today was the big day. Aubergine was finally going to big school. With his satchel over his shoulder, his tie around his ankle and a piece of chicken in his coat pocket, he was ready for whatever this new school had to throw at him. The thought of a building with arms frightened him somewhat,…

Pigworth’s Pie


Santres Pigworth was one of the most famous chefs in the whole of Dudley. His pastries in particular were well known for being beyond delicious. Pigworth’s Pie was the name of his restaurant, and it was the only restaurant in town to have been voted ‘Best Restaurant Named After Its Owner’ for seventeen years in…

That’s What You Think!


“That’s what you think!” shouted Luna as she ran out of the house for the last time. In her rage she had forgotten to slam the door behind her so her murderous lodger did it for her. “Slam!” shouted Lee as shut the door and he returned inside the house for the last time. He…

Shoes ‘n’ Stuff


Ida Bellows was a shoe addict. She loved them. Small shoes, big shoes, from flip flops to boots she wore them all. She had sixteen pairs of converse, twenty-four pairs of leather boots, eight pairs of platform shoes from the 80s, and a single left shoe that had apparently been worn by Paul McCartney for…

Al Jeebra: Math Man


Al Jeebra was the best maths teacher that class 4C had ever had. His mental arithmetic was unparalleled, and in less than 2 seconds he could tell you that 4698 x 36.3 is… Well, whatever it is he could tell you. His left arm was of no significant importance, but his nostrils were 3% larger…

The Tale of Rosie May


Her real name was Rosetta Mayworth the Third, but she liked it when people called her Rosie May. Her father had grown the nickname for her from his Name Tree planted at the end of someone else’s garden. Her mother had wanted her to be named Betty after her great grandfather – he was an…

The Drills


Elemey wakes up to the sound of drills. Every morning. 6am. The drills. The endless groaning and grinding of the workmen outside her one bedroomed hotel. Industrial strength ear plugs were no match for these noise machines. But it would soon be over. In three weeks the building of the town’s new shed would be…

Courtney Dave’s Napkin Parachute


Courtney Dave was the prettiest girl in England. Or so she told me. She grew up on a road not far from another road, and worked in the local convenience store selling convenience. At the age of 12, Courtney began learning tap dancing. Although she wanted to learn ballet, her mother had suggested rather forcefully…

Timothy Smalls: Four Eyes

[vision_notification style=”tip” font_size=”12px” closeable=”true”] This story is unfinished, as I am still writing it. [/vision_notification] The phrase ‘four eyes’ is usually used as a derogatory term for a regular human who does not actually have any more retinal features than his fellow humans, but instead wears spectacles in order to improve their vision. Over the…

1920s Women’s Magazine


It was a late saturday night and my husband, Graham (31 and a bit), and I went to our local social club. We had a good night, a few cups of tea and we watched people dance while they put extra clothes on. All in all a wild night. On the way home, Graham said…