I was in a shop with mom and I went off to get some toiletries, but they’d moved everything around so I couldn’t find what I wanted. Mom spotted an old Chinese man with a Dalmatian who we’d seen shoplifting before, so I kept an eye on him.

Two young guys dressed in black t-shirts were walking around promoting their new gym. One of them asked me to take a seat at a table. He stood on the table and started to reel off the spiel about his gym.

I went to get up but he said to say sat down. I got up and said to him “Is this part of your sales pitch, standing on the desk? Because it doesn’t work.”

He was confused, so I carried on. “It just comes across like you’re trying to intimidate me, shouting orders at me. But I don’t respond to those kinds of orders. Why not just forget the script and speak to me properly?”

He still thought he was right, so I got him to sit down and I stood on the table looking down at him and started improvising a speech about potatoes.

“Do you like potatoes? Cos I’ve got some in my van. But you’ve got to have them roasted because that’s how we like them. Our roast potatoes are the best because we make them.”

He agreed it looked silly